Episode 5, Season 5
Title: Enlightenment

Written by: Linda Gase
Directed by: Bethany Rooney
Original Air Date: October 23, 2005


Description: (full synopsis)

JD asks Jordan for a favor--that she owes him--and Jordan ends up sucked into a warped world created by a religious cult leader.  He is suspected of brutally murdering his ex-wife and young son.  Jordan and JD go undercover to infiltrate the religious cult.  Woody has to undergo mandatory counseling, where he meets the new department psychologist Tallulah "Lu" Simmons.  Bug finds himself in a bit of a jamb when he inadvertently provides a victims mistress with the means to procreate.

Guest Stars:

Ed Aristone (Kevin Carter), Leslie Bibb (Tallulah 'Lu' Simmons), Gabrielle Carteris (Dawn McGuire), Jason Gedrick (Eli Graham), Dominic Janes (Michael Graham), Charles Mesure (J.D. Pollack), J. Robin Miller (Connie Winters), Kristin Minter (Sara), Larry Sullivan (George Winters)
 

Random Facts:

Goofs:

Music:

Seven and Seven Is, The Ramones
KPM, The Dynastic Rites
Solitude, Django Reinhardt
Come Tomorrow, Barbra Streisand
Fallin’, Smokey Robinson
 

Quotes:

Jordan: Pollack.  You wake me up at the crack of dawn and then you scare me half to death—this better be good.
Pollack: You own me a favor.  I need your expertise.
Jordan: My expertise is dead people.
Pollack: Exactly.

Jordan: Where was the son found?
Woody: No comment.
Pollack: How about motel room 205.
Jordan: You palmed evidence.

Woody: Next time get your story straight.
Jordan: Trust me there will not be a next time.

Lu: Intolerant of peoples mistakes.
Woody: Intolerant of peoples rudeness.

Bug: Swerved to avoid a squirrel and ran into a tree instead.
Nigel: Nature has a cruel since of humor.

Lily: Why don’t we go to my office and we can talk.
Mrs. Carter: I don’t want to talk.  I want his sperm.

Garret: Care to explain why you were at the crime scene this morning without calling the police?
Jordan: Temporary insanity.  It won’t happen again.

Jordan: Isn’t your mug shot posted at reception with the sign do no admit?
Pollack: Is it?

Jordan: A deal’s a deal.  We’re even.  We’re done.
Woody: What’s paper boy doing here?

Jordan (to Woody): Usually I like to do the autopsy before I do the paperwork.

Mrs. Carter (real wife): Yes his testicles were cut off.  And his won’t be the only ones unless one of you tell me what’s going on.

Woody: I hope your day is going better than mines.
Garret: Does your day involve illegally procured sperm.
Woody: You win.

Woody: I’m not a real complicated guy.  What you see is what you get.

Receptionist (Christy): Donner 5763.  I didn’t see you on today’s schedule.
Nigel: Hey Christy.
Christy: If you need a visual aid someone left this in the back (holds up magazine).
Nigel: No, no.  No deposits today luv.  I brought my friend.  Good friend.
Bug: Carter, Kevin Carter.  I have a specimen that I’d like to retrieve.
Christy: So that explains it.
Nigel: What?
Christy: Why you never hit on me.
Bug: No it’s not…
Nigel: Yes, yes.  This is my honey.  (hugs Bug)
Bug: Our…um…surrogate mother is about to ovulate so if we could…
Christy: I’ll need your I.D.

Garret: What’s the matter with you two (as they talk to each other with their backs to one another.)
Jordan/Woody: Nothing.

Garret: Jordan?
Jordan: Yeah?
Garret: Whatever’s going on between you and him, you need to get over it.

Pollack: You’re not my only source of information you know?
Jordan: Try not to look on me as your source Pollack.

Pollack: How ‘bout we call a truce?
Jordan: I don’t think so.  Conflicting agendas.

Jordan: Don’t you ever think about anyone but yourself?

Woody: Thank you but I sense a but coming.
Lu: You need to grow up.  It’s not uncommon in people who’ve pretty much raised themselves.
Woody: I’ll work on that.  What’s this?
Lu: It’s your Fitness for Duty Application.  As you see you fit the minimum requirements.
Woody: You didn’t sign it.
Lu: Not yet.
Woody: Why not?
Lu: I will if that’s what you want in your personnel file.  ‘he meets minimum requirements.’

Lily: You know what I think Bug? I think that this is about you.  And that maybe your lonely and projecting…
Bug: This is not about me Lily.
Lily: Bug!  Bug get back here!

Bug: Did I ask for your help.
Lily: Well yeah…you did.

Pollack: …it’s just underneath the general unpleasantness of your personality I didn’t realize that you were so…
Jordan: So?
Pollack: So…hot.
Jordan: I will take the compliment and I think you should quit while you’re ahead.

Nigel: It’s in French.
Jordan: Yeah we know that.
Nigel: Why’s it in French?
Pollack: That we don’t know.

Pollack: And how hard would it be to get that?
Jordan: For once…you might have a point.

Eli: Would you be willing to try something?
Jordan: Sure.
Pollack: Yeah.
Eli: Stand up.  Now kiss.
Jordan: Excuse me?
Eli: It’ll tell me everything I need to know about you as a couple.

Eli: You haven’t been together very long.  You’re tentativeness denotes a lack of trust.  You Mr. Smith are open, though overly protective.  While you Mrs. Smith have some obvious intimacy issues.

Woody: Yo.  Where’s Dr. Macy.
Nigel: On a call.
Woody: Alright you’ll have to do.

Nigel: Woody as much as I love working with you could you back off a little bit?  Better yet go over to the break room and get me a soda.

Jordan (to Woody): Nail his ass to the wall.

Pollack: She’s a handful that one.
Woody: That’s an understatement.
Pollack: You mind if I go for it?
Woody: Knock yourself out.

Pollack: And that kiss? 
Jordan: Occupational hazard.  It had to be done.
Pollack: Is that so?

 

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