Jordan:
Did you say something?
Woody: (jaw dropping) Wow, Jordan…you look…wow.
Jordan:
Wow? I’ll take that as a compliment.
Woody:
Oh, it’s definitely a compliment.
Jordan:
No, no. I can behave myself.
Jordan:
Oh, I don’t know. It’s amazing what they can make tofu
taste like these days.
Jordan:
So, you really decided not to get married?
Bug: (strongly, perhaps a bit too strongly) We don’t need meaningless
Western conventions or the approval of the church and
state to prove our love. We’re already married in our
hearts. We’re raising a child together. How much more
committed could we be? A piece of paper isn’t going to
make that any more real. We just wanted to commune with
nature and celebrate our love in front of our friends.
While autoharp music plays in the background.
Jordan:
This totally was Lily’s idea, wasn’t it?
Bug:
Oh, yeah, totally.
Kate: My lower back and my feet are killing me. High heels should be
classified as instruments of torture under the Geneva
Convention. They serve no earthly purpose other than to
put money in chiropractors’ pockets.
Nigel: Au contraire! It’s all about the biological imperative, love.
Kate:
I’m sorry, did you just call me “love?”
Jordan:
(aside to Woody): It’s a Vera Wang. She got it off
eBay. Come on, a girl can’t resist.
Lily:
Wait! Bug! Where are you guys going? Bug! You
guys! This is supposed to be the happiest day of my
life!
Nigel: Poor mites. This was supposed to be their “Big Day.”
Kate:
Maybe they should take it as a sign.
Kate: The idea of spending your life with someone is archaic, illogical, and
probably sexist, too.
Nigel: Come on! Where’s the romantic in you?
Kate: Let’s see. Last time I saw her was when my father brought brought my
wedding to a screeching halt by vomiting on my
maid-of-honor.
Nigel: So, no plans to take the plunge again?
Kate:
I’d rather have “It’s a Small World” on an eternal loop
implanted in my brain.
Woody: Well, Ranger Rick. Your name is Ranger Rick. That’s funny. Ranger
Rick.
Ranger is stone-faced. Woody shuffles in
embarrassment. Then:
Ranger: Oh, yeah! I get it. Ranger Rick. Like the kids’ magazine. That
is funny. You’re the first person who’s ever
pointed that out.
Woody: Really?
Ranger:
No.
Kate: You know, not everyone is meant to pair up two-by-two like some kind
of giant Noah’s Ark. Oh, and here’s a shocker: men tend
not to line up around the block to be with an
intelligent woman who has actually has an opinion and
isn’t afraid to share it.
Nigel: I don’t know. Not all men are intimidated by strong women. Look at
Jordan and Woody. She’s not exactly a shrinking violet.
Kate:
Please. Those two have been playing footsie under the
table for what? Four, five years? I don’t have that
kind of patience.
Garret: Nigel, Kate…you’re going with them. Now.
Nigel: But Dr. M…
Garret: I’m not arguing here. That’s an order.
Kate:
Twist my arm…
Woody: Jordan, you should get out of here while the getting’s good. You can
still catch Bug.
Jordan:
What, and miss all the fun? I’m not leaving you.
Woody:
Shoulda seen that coming. Right, let’s go!
Kate:
Walk? If we can’t outdrive the fire, we’re
certainly not going to be able to outwalk it.
Nigel:
I’ve never struck a woman, but if you don’t get in this
truck now, I’m going to cold cock you and throw you in
the back like a sack of potatoes.
Lily: I want to thank you for coming today. It means a lot to me and Bug.
Kate: I’m a little surprised I was invited, actually. We didn’t exactly
get off on the right foot.
Lily:
I know. But we’ve been through a lot this past year.
And you helped bring Madeline into this world. I’ll
never forget that. So, I just wanted to say…welcome to
the family.
Woody: We’re going to get out of here, Jordan.
Jordan:
I know. You don’t think I survived a brain tumor and
a plane crash just to be taken out by some forest fire,
do you?
Kate:
Don’t. Don’t even say it. My blood sugar is low and the
heels on these shoes could be considered a deadly weapon
in at least 38 states.
Woody: I’m sore in parts of my body I didn’t even know I had. Ow! Jeez,
Jordan, that stings!
Jordan:
You were shot in the gut, and you’re going to give me
grief about a little Bactine?
Woody:
I can’t help it. I’ve got sensitive skin.
Jordan:
This is nice. You and me. No pressure. Not that the
first time wasn’t great.
Woody: So, you think it was great, huh?
Jordan:
Yeah, I’d say it was pretty great in its own way.
Woody: She said great.
Jordan:
Don’t push your luck, farmboy.
Woody: I love you…
Jordan:
I love you…
NEXT
