Episode 7, Virtual Season 7
Title: Reality Bites

Written by: jmkw
Artwork: nynaeve and ArtGal
Original Virtual Air Date: November 11, 2007

Description:   

Seely’s past comes up at him as he investigates the death of a celebrity at a Reality TV Dance Show. Jordan finds a new enthusiasm for School Careers Days when her graphic presentation captures the imagination of a Fifth Grade class.

Random Facts:

Phil Berman, who is named but does not appear in the episode, was the sleezy detective whom Jordan worked with in Season 2.

Alan Shore and the law firm of Crane, Poole and Schmidt are a reference to the ABC TV show Boston Legal that Crossing Jordan competed with on Sunday nights during seasons 4 and 5.

Dancing with the Celebrities, of course, mimics the reality show Dancing with the Stars. Anton Ohno (the Olympic speed skater) was the dance champion of the 2006 season.

CJ VS7 writer nccjfan appeared on Dancing With the Stars. She is nationally ranked in both Swing, her favorite, and Foxtrot.

Casu Marzu is really a cheese live with maggots.

The Body Farm: there are three in the US where the decomposition of bodies is observed in a variety of situations to advance the study of Forensic Anthropology.

Jordan alone in a classroom with the Grade 5 students? Poetic license.

Music:

Mission Impossible Theme, by Lalo Schifrin
Paris in Your Eyes, by Janis Ian

Quotes:

Matt: What’re you doing tonight?
Woody: I’m flattered, but you’re really not my type … Agganis Arena  … unless those are Boston U hockey tickets, to which I have to tell you: I don’t kiss on the first date.

Matt:  Yeah, that’s the one.  It’s tonight and I’m…busy.  Take Cavanaugh.  Maybe you can finally get laid and think about something other than your pen.   

Matt: I see you’ve watched the show.
Woody: Tivo’d it. 

Nigel: Our own Matt Seeley and the delicious Dana Thornton?
Woody: Do you have some kind of gossip radar?

Jordan: Don’t tell me you watch Dancing with the Celebrities?
Nigel: Are you kidding? I Tivo it.-
Jordan: Am I the only one that doesn’t watch reality TV?

Woody: I hope you realize that one leggy brunette is not interchangeable with another.

Woody: Relax.  They can smell fear.  Remember to appeal to a typical eleven year old’s interest level…..and if all else fails...
Jordan: What?
Woody: Ask if the cake is chocolate or vanilla.

Kate: Is it my imagination or is the victim wearing high heels?
Uniformed Officer: It’s the Paso Doble.
Kate: Ah, that explains everything. 

Lily: Anyone seen any of his movies?
Jordan: I once dated this guy who could quote every line from every movie. He even had a life size cut-out of Duvall from one of his special ops flicks hanging on the wall in his bedroom. It was a little intimidating.
Nigel: For you or him?

Jordan: Hi. My name is Jordan. I’m a medical examiner with the….Yes. You have a question…
Student 1: I heard when someone burns up in a fire their brain boils and their skull explodes!

Nigel: He’s a walking pharmaceutical cabinet.
Kate: You mean besides the steroids?
Nigel: They’re pretty evident, huh?
Kate: In more ways than one.  

Jordan: We have to use a pretty large gauge needle to draw fluid out of the eye.  It deflates just like a basketball if you do it right…but if you use too much pressure…it pops like a water balloon.
Student 2: Awesome!

Nigel: I’m sure she’s fine. I wrote the lesson plan to be completely foolproof.  All she has to do is point and click.

Woody: So what did I miss?
Kate: Since my last name is not Cavanaugh you can take a step or two back.

Dana: Wasn’t it you that insisted we still dance the MIT Open even though it was the same day as your grandfather’s funeral. 
Matt: I never liked the man anyway.

Jordan: Casu Marzu. It’s an exotic Italian cheese. The fermentation process goes past the regular aging to actual decomposition.  Loosely translated it means rotten cheese...or more to the point maggot cheese because it contains live maggots.
Student 2: Cool!!

Jordan: Why aren’t you in the middle of processing?
Woody: I told Matt I was seeing you later and he offered to wrap everything up by himself.
Jordan: Seeley is doing you another favor?  Pretty soon you’ll be carpooling together.

Garret: I got an email from the Superintendent of Education this afternoon. He said he heard you made quite an impression at JFK Elementary today. 
Woody: Impression?
Jordan: It was nothing. Honest.
Garret: Nothing.  Security escorted her to the parking lot.

Jordan: See! I made a connection. I could really get into this mentoring thing

 NEXT